


I'd Do Anything.

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Tumblr Post, Desperation, Grief/Mourning, I may have got some details wrong but I tried, M/M, gods can do magic right?, there's some kisses though, well they can now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 14:33:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1350922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt I recieved on Tumblr- After Patroclus dies; Achilles does anything to bring him back. </p><p>A bit of angst but essentially a happy story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Do Anything.

The world seemed hazy. Like he was in the space between sleeping and waking. Everything was moving slowly, he was aware of people coming in. people touching his shoulder and telling him to rest. To eat. To bury the man. But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes from the face he knew so well. It felt as though he were stuck in molasses, drifting so slowly as the world moved around him. He looked down at the man before him and closed his eyes.

"Please. Please please please. Wake up. Just wake up. Please. Please. I'll do anything. I'll do anything."

He gripped the cold hand and prayed for those fingers to curl around his.

"I'm begging you. Please open your eyes."

He opened his own slowly and brought the hand to his lips,

"Please don't leave me."

 

The night stretched on for what felt like years. The sounds outside the tent fell quiet and eventually the world was silent. Achilles brushed the hair from Patroclus' face.

"Still look well. You do."

He trailed his fingers down his cheek and smiled sadly,

"How am I ever going to do this without you?"

He lay down and pressed his face into the man’s neck.

"I don't want to be here without you."

He gave into the tears that were pushing up through his throat; gripping g the blanket that had been wrapped around his love.

"Please wake up. Please."

He was met with the same silence that had met him every day since Patroclus was brought back. He shook his head and pressed a kiss to the point where he had felt the strong beat of his heart so many times.

"I want you back. Gods how I want you back. You're the only person I want. I'd give all of them up for one more moment with you. One more."

He sat up and looked down at the man,

"Just one more word. One more smile. One more kiss. Just one more. Patroclus...please."

Met with silence again he nodded,

"It's okay."

He ran his fingers through Patroclus' hair,

"You can take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

The nights turned -as they always did- to day and he remained in the same spot; only giving in to sleep when it took over him, but always waking up shouting the same name- only to curl up against him once more and breathe shallowly into the crook of his neck once more. It was one afternoon that he sat on the floor opposite the bed; hugging his knees to his chest and staring at the hand that lay on the edge of the bed,

"I don't want to be a god Patroclus. Not anymore. I thought I knew what my fate was but if this is it....I want no part of it. I was a god anyway wasn’t I? In your eyes. I always was. That should have been enough. If only it was enough. I'm sorry."

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed heavily,

"I don't care anymore Patroclus. I don't care."

He sniffed and looked up at him.

"Tell me what to do. Please."

He nodded at the silence,

"It's alright. I already know."

He climbed from the floor and settled into the bed next to him. He pulled the blanket over them both and kissed his cheek,

"Do you think it'd matter if I didn't become what I'm destined to be? Do you think the world will end? That the seas will boil and birds will fall from the sky? Or do you think I'd be forgotten and the world won't suffer? I don't think the world can suffer more than I am right now."

He wrapped his arms around the man and pulled him close.

"I think we could live well. Away from here. Start over. A new day with us both. Do you remember how we were those years ago? With Chiron? That's where we'd go. We'd find him and live out our days. Wake together. Sleep together. I'd take care of you I promise. For all eternity I'd take care of you."

He kissed Patroclus' head,

"I'd take care of you the way you've taken care of me. Because you have. Better than anyone."

He stared up at the ceiling of their tent; his fingers running slowly through Patroclus' hair. The tent was growing dark when the idea came to him. He paused for a moment then smiled to himself,

"I'm gonna make this right. We're gonna have that life. The one we were meant to have. I promise."

He kissed his head once more and laced their fingers together.

"Good night.

 

At first light he took one last look at Patroclus and opened the door of the tent.

"You there."

The soldier turned and stood to attention.

"No one goes near this tent you understand?"

"Yes...but shouldn't we...I mean it’s been five days."

"No one goes near the tent."

The man paused before nodding.

"I'll be back soon."

"Sir."

Achilles took a moment to look back at the tent before heading from the camp to the beach. He stood at the shore and looked out at the ocean, the wind blew into his tired face and he closed his eyes; he listened to the sound of the water and tried to feel something that wasn’t just the emptiness inside his heart. He opened his eyes again and took a breath before standing straighter,

"I'm here. Where are you?"

He waited a moment before clenching his fists,

"I said I'm here. Now WHERE ARE YOU?"

He was met with the sound of the waves and huffed in annoyance.

"So now you ignore me? I come to you every time you call. Every time and the moment I need you, the one time I need you you're not here."

He grabbed a rock from the shore and threw it as hard as he could at the water. It landed with a splash and he roared in anger,

"MOTHER. ANSWER ME. IM HERE."

He stood shakily and looked out to the sea. His anger began to turn to despair and he clutched his head,

"I need you. I need you NOW."

"Achilles."

He turned and dropped his hands at the sight of his mother; for a split moment he felt afraid, he wanted to run into her arms and scream. He wanted her to hold him like a child and tell him everything would be alright. Instead he clenched his fists and stood straight again,

"Bring him back."

Thetis watched him for a moment,

"Bring who-"

"PATROCLUS. Bring....bring him back."

"I can't do that. He's gone."

"YOURE A GOD. BRING HIM BACK."

His legs gave out and he fell to his knees,

"Please. Please I need him. Please."

The tears were coming thick and fast and Thetis stepped closer,

"My son, you're destiny is to-"

"I don't care about my destiny. My destiny was to die on those fields but I'm dead already. Without him I am dead. I need him. I need him. Please. Please bring him back."

"No. You don't need him. You never needed him. You're destined to be a god. He is a mortal. And a poor one at that."

Achilles looked up at her, his fists clenching in anger,

"You dare speak of him in that manner."

"You dare speak to me in that manner."

"Bring. Him. Back."

"No."

Achilles nodded and stood slowly before grabbing the knife strapped to his leg and pressing it to his own throat. Thetis made the tiniest movement toward him before stopping herself,

"You bring him back or I go to him. Either way we're to be together."

"You'd kill yourself to be with him?"

He pressed the blade into his flesh; sending a trickle of blood down his throat onto his tunic.

"Bring him back or I swear-"

"Then do it Achilles."

He was shocked. He looked at his mother and sobbed before dropping the knife and falling to his knees. He screamed into his hands as the grief tore through him once more. Thetis reached forward to touch him before changing her mind and stepping back.

"I'm sorry you're hurting."

And with that she was gone and Achilles was alone once more. He sobbed into his hands until he couldn't anymore. He fell back and hugged his knees to his chest. The blood on his neck had dried and was sticking his clothing to his skin. He stared out into the ocean for hours. No one came to find him and his mother did not return.

He stared out at the sunlight on the water and planned how long he would have to swim before exhaustion took over and he would sink under.

He thought about it; would it hurt to drown? It would hurt less than Patroclus' final moments. The thought alone made him feel sick and he shook his head.

He looked up at the horizon and though about Patroclus. He thought of the times when they swam together. The fight they had to prove who could jump higher. Who could dive deeper?

 _Achilles_.

He thought about the forest. The way Patroclus smiled at him, he thought of the taste of his skin; the way he shuddered when kissed in certain places, the way-

"Achilles!"

He turned his head and looked at the man panting heavily beside him.

"What? What do you want?"

"It's your friend. He calls for you."

"My friend?"

"Patroclus sir. He wants you."

Achilles looked back at the ocean,

"You're mistaken. Patroclus is gone."

"No sir he's not. He refuses to see a doctor he's just shouting for you. Some of the men are...afraid. He's here."

Achilles looked at the man and stood slowly; grabbing the knife as he went.

"If you're lying to me."

"I'm not. I'm not I swear. Please sir."

Achilles strapped the knife to himself again and began to run.

 

"Please calm down. Just calm down."

"Where is he? Is he alive? Tell me where he-"

Achilles burst into the tent and stopped at the sight of Patroclus. The man was stood beside the bed looking as healthy as any of the others. A doctor had one hand on his arm and was trying to calm him down. Achilles stepped in closer; pushing the doctor away and lifting a hand,

"Patroclus."

The men looked at each other for a moment before embracing. The doctor stepped back and dropped his head as the men hugged. Achilles pulled back and took Patroclus' face in his hands;

"How is this possible? How are you...here?"

"I don't know. I don't know. I woke up and you weren't here."

"I'm sorry. I’m sorry I wasn't here."

"You are now its fine."

"But you're okay? You feel okay?"

"I feel fine."

Achilles moved his fingers to the spot he knew Patroclus' pulse laid and waited. The steady beating against his fingers made his eyes fill with tears again,

"You're here. You're really here."

Patroclus nodded,

"I'm here."

Achilles pulled him in and hugged him again.

"You're so warm."

Patroclus laughed and gripped him tightly; burying his face into Achilles shoulder as the smile stretched across his lips.

 

"You're okay. It's healed well. No infection. I have....no explanation. This is down to the gods I would expect."

"But he's okay? He'll survive?"

"I wouldn't suggest going straight out to battle again but yes. He will be fine."

Patroclus smiled at the doctor and stood up,

"I feel fine."

Achilles grinned at him and turned to the doctor.

"Thank you doctor."

"Get some rest. Both of you."

They nodded and watched as the man left the tent. Achilles waited a moment before turning to Patroclus,

"You really feel okay?"

"Yes. Except....why am I here Achilles? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything....I mean I asked my mother for help."

"Your mother? Then there's a catch. There always is with her."

"Maybe not, maybe....maybe she just...loves me enough."

"Really? She must want something in return."

Achilles shook his head,

"I don't know. I don't care. You're here. You're really here."

He stepped closer and took Patroclus' hand.

"You've no idea how much I missed you. How dead I felt."

"How about how dead I felt?"

Achilles smiled and shook his head,

"Not funny."

"Come here."

Achilles threw a glance at the tent door before stepping closer still and pressing a kiss to Patroclus' lips.

"I don't know why I'm here Achilles."

Achilles pressed two fingers to his lips,

"It doesn't matter. We have time to figure it out. Figure all of it out. Together now."

Patroclus nodded,

"I'm tired."

Achilles smiled and caressed his cheek gently,

"Let's rest."

Patroclus lay down first; Achilles lay next to him and rolled over to rest his head on Patroclus' chest. He closed his eyes and listened to the steady beating of his heart.

"I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I have you again."

"You do. Forever you do."

Patroclus nodded,

"Good."

 

Achilles didn't sleep; every move that Patroclus made kept him up. He sat up and watched the man as he slept. Watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. He ached to reach out and rub his hands over the warm skin. Ached to press kisses everywhere he could reach. He settled for taking the man’s hand and holding it gently. Patroclus muttered in his sleep and Achilles smiled. He watched as the man covered his face with his other arm and whined quietly. His eyes ran down his body and landed on the scars on his stomach. He felt his chest clench painfully at the sight and reached out to touch one gently. His finger trailed over the raised skin and Patroclus shifted and Achilles took his hand away. He lay back down and pressed the gentlest of kisses against hi shoulder before looking at the ceiling until Patroclus woke up.

 

"We should leave."

Patroclus looked up from his breakfast,

"Leave?"

"Yeah. Leave. Here. We can sail first thing. Head toward home."

"Been at the wine have you?"

"Sorry?"

"We can't leave Achilles. There's a war on."

Achilles knelt in front of Patroclus and took his hands,

"A war that we don't need to be part of."

"The people here need us."

"Patroclus-"

"No. The people need us. We can still fight."

Achilles shook his head,

"Listen to me."

Patroclus opened his mouth and Achilles covered it with a hand,

"Listen to me. You...you died. I let you die. I will not have that happen again. This war is basically won. Let’s face it. If we aren't here nothing will be different. I cannot lose you. Can you lose me?"

Patroclus put a hand to Achilles face and shook his head.

"I will never forgive myself if you get hurt again. Never. I would rather die forgotten than let you get hurt again."

Patroclus watched him for a moment before stroking his thumb against Achilles cheek.

"If you're worried about that I mean. I will give up my name. My future. My...I'd give up everything for you. I want you. I want you safe. I want you...please leave with me. Please live...with me."

Patroclus swallowed and took Achilles hand from across his mouth.

"Achilles..."

"Please."

Patroclus closed his eyes and nodded,

"Okay."

"Really? You will?"

"I will. For you. I will. Of course I will. Wherever you go I'll follow. You know that it's just....people are dying Achilles. Good people. Our people."

Achilles pressed their foreheads together,

"You're too good. I love...I love you for that. But I've lost you once. And somehow. I don't know how...somehow I got you back. And I'm sorry, but not one of those lives is worth yours. Not one."

"Achilles...we can't-"

"No. I'm not losing you again."

Patroclus smiled,

"I was going to say...we can't sail until you do one thing for me."

"Oh....what?"

Patroclus pulled back and held Achilles face in his hands.

"Rest for me."

"I am rested."

"Don't lie. Look at you. You can't command a ship in this state. You can barely walk. Rest. And then we can sail."

"I can't...I can't go to sleep I need to keep watch."

"Keep watch for what?"

Achilles dropped his gaze,

"Watch for you. Every second I get with you is precious. I don't want to sleep and...I don't want to risk you going when I'm sleeping."

"I'm not going anywhere. Not for a long time. You on the other hand are going to fade away if you don't rest."

Achilles nodded,

"Rest with me?"

"Of course. I'll keep an eye on you and then you can keep an eye on me."

Achilles smiled at him before leaning in for a kiss.

 

Achilles opened his eyes suddenly and sat up,

"Patroclus!"

He looked around at the empty tent and began to panic,

"No no no no no."

He flew from the bed and out of the tent. He looked around the camp and began to breathe heavily,

"Patroclus!"

He looked around for a moment before grabbing a soldier,

"Patroclus, where is he?"

"Beach I think. Headed there about an hour ago."

Achilles dropped his hand and began to run. When he got to the shore he stopped and looked around again. He caught sight of a figure in the sand and ran over to him,

"Patroclus!"

The man looked up at him,

"Hello."

Achilles dropped to his knees and picked up Patroclus' head to search his face,

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Why are you here?"

Patroclus looked over Achilles shoulder and the man turned around,

"Mother."

Thetis stood before them,

"I love you Achilles. You're my son and I love you. You're destined for greatness and it pains me that you disregard that in favour of...him."

Patroclus blushed deeply and looked at the ground.

"You'll be forgotten. Is that what you want?"

Achilles stood and looked down at Patroclus,

"I want him. Mother."

Thetis watched him for a moment before stepping back.

"Then he is yours. And you are no longer mine."

"I'm okay with that."

Patroclus looked up at Thetis for a moment.

"We're leaving in the morning. Away from here. Away from all this."

Thetis looked at Patroclus for a long moment,

"This is your plan?"

"N-no."

"But you want it too?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

She sneered at him and turned back to Achilles,

"I have no part of this. Goodbye. Achilles."

Achilles nodded and Thetis turned back to the water. Patroclus stood and gripped Achilles arm,

"Thetis wait."

She turned to face him and Patroclus gripped Achilles tighter,

"I just wanted to say....thank you."

She looked him up and down for a moment before disappearing back into the sea.

"It was her. She brought me back. For you."

"Guess she did love me."

"Not enough."

Achilles looked at him for a moment and Patroclus smiled,

"I loved you more."

"No. Not possible. I love you the most."

"Always a competition with you."

Achilles laughed and embraced him,

"Let's go home."

 

"Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Yes. Yes I'm okay."

"Not long now."

Patroclus looked back out at the water and sighed,

"I feel guilty. Leaving them."

"Don't. Don't feel guilty."

He looked up at Achilles and couldn't help but smile.

"Not long now."

Achilles looked down at him and touched his shoulder.

"Not long."

 

Chiron recognised them at once. All of a sudden they were 15 once more and were stumbling into another life. He examined Patroclus and proclaimed him healthy. They sat around the fire and told Chiron of the war, of the plan, of the time when Patroclus was gone, and of Thetis. Chiron listened patiently and asked questions when the time called for it.

"And your plan now?"

Achilles shrugged his shoulders,

"We came here. We're safe here. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Company at this age is always welcome, but is it enough for you both?"

Achilles looked at Patroclus.

"Yes. It is."

Patroclus smiled and looked up at the sky,

"Stars are bright."

Chiron nodded and settled down into the earth.

"Mm and I am weary."

Achilles stood,

"We will leave you to your sleep."

"The cots are as you left them."

"Thank you Chiron. For everything."

"You are welcome Achilles. Patroclus."

The two men nodded on acknowledgment,

"Good night."

They walked into the cave; memories flooding back to both of them as they undressed and washed before climbing into the bed. They lay staring at the constellations in the ceiling.

"Patroclus?"

"Yes?"

"Guess what I'm thinking."

"I don't know. What are you thinking?"

Achilles looked at him for a moment,

"I'm thinking that we made the right decision."

Patroclus reached over and touched Achilles face,

"Me too."

They reached for each other and fell into the familiar routine they had perfected in their years together in the cave.

 

Patroclus woke first. He looked at the ceiling for a long time before turning to Achilles. He moved closer and brushed their noses together. His finger trailed over the barely there scratch left from the knife.

"I thought you wanted me to rest?"

"Sorry. Couldn't help it."

Achilles opened his eyes and Patroclus was struck with a rush of love toward him. He surged forward and kissed him.

"Never stop doing that."

Achilles smiled and kissed him again before rolling over and stretching.

"Come on. We should help Chiron."

They spent the morning helping as much as they could before the sun made it too hot. They headed to the lake and dove in. Patroclus watched Achilles dive in with a grin. The man swam toward him and splashed him,

"Are you happy?"

Achilles dipped his head back into the cool water,

"What?"

"Happy. Are you happy?"

He lifted his head and looked at Patroclus,

"I am. Why?"

Patroclus smiled,

"Because you were right. You are the first hero to be happy."

Achilles took a moment before breaking into a grin.

"I am."

He swam toward Patroclus and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before moving toward the shore and climbing from the water.

"Are you coming?"

Patroclus swam toward him,

"Where?"

Achilles pulled his tunic on,

"Anywhere you want."

Patroclus stepped from the water and reached for his own clothes,

"For how long?"

Achilles took a long moment to look at him before smiling,

"Forever."

 Patroclus pulled his tunic on before grasping his hand and following him to their forever.

**Author's Note:**

> If you by any chance like my writing and want to throw a prompt my way you can find me at realityisonlythebeginning.tumblr.com


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